Recently, a young lady, who asked to be identified as "Lost my Soulmate" wrote in to an advice column after her fiancé broke up with her. It was five months later, and she was still hurting terribly.
"… Now I'm severely depressed, I bared my soul to him, I loved him with my heart, body and soul … I let my career go, I defied my parents, (I had a solid, loving relationship With my parents and now I've lost even that), I defended him against everyone and everything I did, I did it for him …. He let me love him, and loved me back, so I build my world and dreams around him …
I've just lost myself. Everything that was important to me my entire 26years of life, I gave up, just to make this relationship work, I even compromised on my principles and now I don't have the one thing I prided above all, my honor. Now I'm just a shattered body with no soul and no honor, used, betrayed and lost …. "
My heart ached for her. She had put all her eggs in one basket. When her fiancé left, she was completely lost, having invested in nothing else and sacrificed everything for the sake of the relationship. In my response to her, I gently explained that no man who truly loved her would ask her to sacrifice such things and destroy her honor.
Lost my Soulmate got me to thinking about sacrifice and relationships. When is it necessary, and when have you given too much?
Let's face it; all healthy relationships require lots of give and take. One works to put the other through school. The wife hates Mexican food, but goes to Mexican restaurants regularly due to her husband's love of the stuff. The wife gets an offer to work at her dream job out of the state, and the husband quits his job and relocates with her. Big or small, adjustments will be made when you choose to pair up with someone. So, how can you tell when it's a sacrifice that is unhealthy for you and the relationship?
Here are a few tell tale signs:
o You are the only one sacrificing
o Your partner is asking things of you that go against your values
o You find yourself sacrificing everything else for the sake of the relationship
o Your sacrifices are bringing you further from your life goals
If you look at Lost my Soulmate and her situation, she made several of these mistakes. Even if she and her partner were still together, her sacrifices are still unhealthy and would not help her self worth or the stability of the relationship. There are many ways, however that you can collaborate with your partner to make your personal life and the relationship thrive.
Here are a few ways:
o Help each other fulfill personal dreams and ambitions
o Work and sacrifice together to meet common goals
o Help each other maximize your strengths and manage your deficits
When you and your partner both agree to collaborate and work as a team towards personal goals as well as joined ambitions, you help each other grow to meet your potential. Collaboration helps boost your self esteem, the self esteem of your partner, and the stability of your relationship as you move purposefully together towards the brightening future. So next time you stand at the cross roads of give and take, ask yourself if doing so will build yourself and your partnership up, or if it will cause you to sacrifice things that will only damage you and your relationship.
Immobilienmakler Heidelberg Makler HeidelbergSource by Wendy Bridger